Level Headed Diatribe Against LGAT “Impact Training”
This material represents over a year's worth of reading, researching, and careful professional and personal studies in order to provide a informed, well-reasoned, educational viewpoint rather than my initial knee-jerk reaction to the topic. Presented here is my final conclusion on the matter for your review.
I run the risk of offending a number of people that I am close to with the material that I present here - both because of my assessment and opinions of the LGAT organization "Impact Training", and because I may also cite religious materials in the process. Normally I leave personal relationships out of my posts, as well as religion - this is a public forum after all, and the materials I'm likely to discuss here have nothing to do with either (it's a personal geek blog, after all). I am willing to take this risk because the alternative is to say nothing, and I find this far less palatable than being despised for standing by my scruples. I'm saying it in public in the interest of helping and inspiring others.
First up, what is this all about?
LGAT stands for "Large Group Awareness Training." It is a model of presentation whereby groups (usually large ones, hence the name) are exposed to selected materials under circumstances designed to elicit compliance and predictable responses. That "designed to elicit" part is my take on them - most of the definitions of the format include language such as "teaching simple but often overlooked wisdom" etc., which has more to do with content (and their opinion of it) than the delivery mechanism itself. More on this in a moment.
"Impact Training" is an organization operating locally in Utah as a purveyor of content using this format, which has gone on to combine its own origins with pop psych, a warped version of LDS theology, hard sales, and MLM practices in order to operate a for-profit organization for its own enjoyment and aggrandizement. It leverages several key principles of psychological manipulation to deliver its content under the guise of improving confidence, self esteem, relationships, and material success. The remainder of this article will be broken into two sections, "Method" which describes the tools of LGAT, and "Madness" covering the specific philosophies and principles of Impact Training.
Method
To best describe LGAT methods it's appropriate to pull in some primers on its history and evolution, and some principles of modern psychology and their background.
Impact Training specifically comes from an individual by the name of Hans Berger, who has been involved as a founder and controller of both Impact Training and the "Harmony Institute" here in Utah. Hans got his start with "Lifespring", which itself is an offshoot from the "Landmark Forum", which came from "est" (erhard seminars training [capitalized as branded]), which came from "Mind Dynamics", a component of "Scientology" (done with the "quotes" for now). The basic premise remains essentially unchanged from the abreactive therapies on which it was founded and are visible even now in the Dianetics that Scientology still deals in. Abreaction itself is simply a form of catharsis - the release of previously repressed emotion. This release typically takes the form of reliving events, but can be disembodied (which is to say, not linked to a specific trauma or episode) as well. The military looked at a formalized proposal for Abreactive Therapy following WWII, and concluded that though potentially effective it took too long and the results were not on par with other therapeutic techniques available at the time1.
In more modern psychology, catharsis and abreaction are occasional tools but are some distance from main line practice because of some significant drawbacks. The emotional release, while temporarily pleasing, does not absolve the original sensitizing events or traumas of their sting (repeated desensitization can be used to help, though that has more to do with controlled exposure to traumatic memory in a safe and productive environment than simple expulsion of pent-up emotion), and suffers from re-interpretation (experiencing memory in the light of the present state of mind) and false memory mechanisms (fantasy and invention, even unintentionally). Which is to say that, based on the presentation of the technique it's possible to elicit an abreactive response from an individual solely in response to the environment, without basis in any specific or even real emotional injury.
The Impact Training LGAT utilizes several techniques to produce abreactive responses to its own ends. I'll go into both the techniques in play and the intent with which it does so (which both still fall under the "Method" part of this discussion). First, the techniques.
Visualization, Guided Imagery, and Hypnosis: I myself am a practitioner of hypnosis; it's an excellent working toolset for the application of behavioral psychology at the subconscious level, and if used properly can help to re-wire aberrant or undesired manifestations of motivation (e.g., behaviors) in non-conflicting and gestalt ways very quickly (specifically through the use of the hypnoanalytic techniques developed by Milton Erickson, rather than the more commonly portrayed authoritarian or sensationalized stage versions of hypnosis). I enrolled in certification as a hypnotherapist in 2002 in light of the bad tech economy as a fallback career which was never required (I landed with Overstock and things picked up from there). To date I've only ever used its therapeutical practices on myself, to reasonable effect. In the case of Impact Training, however, the analytical approach is avoided: the specific accounts of the imagery used there indicate standard induction practices (descending darkened staircases, presentation of doors, contextualized environments, etc.) and are then followed by very selective exercises. What and who the subject encounters and the means of their interaction with the same are dictated, and while the content of that interaction is up to the subject it's predictable given the setup. It is meant to be confrontational, potentially provide some resolution, but mostly be empowering to the subject based on the transference of emotional responsibility that is the essence of the Impact Training philosophy.
The results of the repeated visualizations are reframed by the "Trainer" (I say "Trainer" in quotes as a branded(tm) title rather than an earned honorific, as the Impact Training staff are not licensed or certified by any governing body and are in fact students of the program themselves working off the volunteerism required to advance rather than credentialed therapists). Reframing is the practice of interpreting content (usually carefully selected content) according to preferred ideologies, prescribing "this is because of that" and "x is due to y" correlation to imply causation and inculcate those ideologies in the subject or other observers.
This same reframing is applied to lots of emotional responses, produced not only via the guided imagery but a host of other exercises and activities. One of the most distressing for me to learn about was the experiential reframing: an exercise where one participant discloses to another an event wherein they felt victimized, specifically a personal and meaningful such episode. After mutual disclosure from the other participant both are instructed to repeat their original story but from the vantage as though they were somehow responsible for the event themselves (this touches somewhat on the "Madness" content that will be explored in greater depth later). Having a person make such an assertion about their own experience, even if they are predisposed to discount such an assertion (and the preparatory exercises to that point do their best to reduce or eliminate such a predisposition), is tragically manipulative.
Why would a person go along with such an exercise? The key psychological tendencies which make LGAT sessions successful are that:
- People are wired to trust one another. If you are given a written statement, and told in advance that any portion of that statement written in red ink is false, you will still be influenced by it to a degree as though it were true.
- People are wired to listen to authority figures. As illustrated in the Milgram Experiment, and relied on especially heavily in LGATs via the establishment of the Absolute Authority of the Trainer (usually through overt authoritarianism and over-the-top bullying of non-compliant participants: anyone arriving late or otherwise not adhering to the strict and stressful schedule, for example, is deeply berated as a public example in front of others)
- We are influenced by the behavior of those around us. Through the use of mirror neurons which inspire observed behaviors and reactions within the observer, and the natural tendency toward conformity, it's possible to expand the affect of an exercise and its reframed response from one to many, and to use the many to reinforce and enhance the intensity of the same so it really sticks. LGAT sessions frequently have plants as well - prior participants and other accomplices placed throughout the audience who already know the anticipated response and play along (either to earn the favor of the Trainer and advance, or in order to help things progress in a controlled fashion).
- Emotions produce endorphins. Eliciting extremes of emotion causes a cocktail of endorphins to be secreted throughout the brain, as effective as if administering mind or consciousness altering drugs via syringe. The "Love Bombing" stages of LGAT depend on this, specifically the production of endogenous opiates that both block pain and create a social-bonding specific high that reinforces desired attitudes and responses and inspires a need to return to the same (behavioral/chemical addiction).
- Emotions trump rationale. There are 2 paths of analysis in the human psyche: emotional and rational. The rational is the one that says "it's unlikely that person approaching from the other direction means me harm" and it's the emotional that says, "yeah, but if they do I'm in for a world of hurt" and makes us cross the street anyway. Statistics, oddly enough, seem to act as the antidote for this by grounding the rationale in something concrete.
- Distraction induces suggestibility. The schedule of the LGAT is structured to be demanding, high-paced, and run extremely late into the night/early morning in order to keep the energy ramped up and reduce the amount of time for digestion, critical analysis, or rejection.
As to the intent of these methods then, and to finish up the line of discourse regarding abreaction, the authority figure produces dramatic and intense (intentionally dramatized and intensified) responses from participants, frames them according the the preferred ideologies, and uses the group setting to amplify the emotional response in an environment designed to make people susceptible to suggestions regarding the same. This falls under the "predictable response" and "compliance" parts of my initial description of LGATs.
Other tools in use are standard propagandist indoctrination (refer to the Institute for Propaganda Analysis, 1938), and some cultic persuasion practices: secrecy, isolation, and specialized dialog.
On the point of secrecy, attendees are counseled that they are not to reveal anything of the proceedings to those who are not also themselves participants in the program, and even then only up to the level of that participant. They are requested to sign "non-disclosure" agreements at the beginning of the sessions to reinforce this fact and provide an authoritative standard on which they can rely, and this point is hammered home with remarkable force.
This secrecy lends itself to a form of isolation - unable to discuss the nature of the experience (which, from the perspective of the participant so affected can be a subjectively remarkable experience they are eager to discuss, or an unsettling one for which they require consolation), with any other than the group or prior attendees associated with their program, sets them apart from the world (and frequently from family and friends). They must rely on the new special-status group of co-participants or the Trainers who are in a position of authority over the same.
New terminology or new definitions for existing concepts are regularly introduced and strongly reinforced, creating a specialized dialog for discussing the experiences that makes little sense to those unfamiliar with the glossary. The loaded words and phrases create an extra layer of distance between participants and the uninitiated, and are used to prop up the philosophies of the training: much the same way that experiential reframing is used to instill a particular perspective in the subject, altered dialog is used as a means of manipulating thought through manipulating language. One of the remarkable attributes of the psyche is its ability to create contiguous reality out of disparate sensation - in many ways the condition in which one finds oneself is based on an almost external level of observation: "Am I smiling? I must be happy then." Language is a part of this - the words we speak reflect attitude and belief, and if the words are altered it changes the regions of the brain in play (exciting some, suppressing others) and by association the expressed attitudes. In Impact Training, for example, "need" becomes "deserve", and all such "needs" are discussed as the things a person "deserves."
The final steps of isolation come from Love Bombing: the literal bombardment of affirmations of acceptance and even physical affection that overload the limbic system (responsible for secreting those endogenous opiates in response to positive social contact) and overwhelm rational barriers and any negative self-assessments. This exaggerated display of endearment creates a sense of belonging within the group that draws a very distinct line with what is now the "outside world" that fails to understand the participant and their budding transformation. It creates a very real chemical high and associates it with that social environment - the same one wherein any misstep concerning the schedule or authority of the Trainer results in massive public beratement. The combination of control and reward have a deep and profound effect, lasting a few weeks to a few years, though other times waning without refreshers (which is where the sales tactics come in to solicit further participation).
Though minor by comparison, there's also the very human tendency to throw good money after bad - these "courses" cost several hundred to a few thousand dollars, and people are likely to see them through in the interest that their money not be wasted, rather than cut their losses early (or ask for a refund, which results in more hard-sales tactics and stiff opposition).
These components follow the basis for all "coercive persuasion" that is the foundation of cultic indoctrination: breaking down resistance and existing psychological structures, introducing new "preferred" ideologies and doctrines, and reinforcing those into the new structures on which the subject is meant to rely (as well as working to limit threats to the same so they remain in affect). These methods produce predictable psychological and emotional responses in the vast majority of the populace - not any specific sub-group of gullible nitwits looking to sign over their concept of reality to the first authority to offer them one, but in fact just about anyone subjected to the battery. They (the methods) are specifically geared to overcome barriers and alter one's general conceptual orientation of the world, and in that goal they tend to be distressingly effective.
Madness
The specific philosophies (especially at the introductory levels of the program) of Impact Training follow the standard Mind Dynamics and other new-age empowerment paradigms. They assert not only that the unclouded mind has immeasurable potential to affect the reality around it (the literal world, not just conceptualized experience of the same), but that ultimate responsibility for the condition of one's existence is entirely up to the participant, and in fact always has been.
This assertion is both positive and negative: one can purportedly "manifest" the reality they "deserve" with the right kind of "spiritual action" (yes, the "quotes" are back), and there are special tools and abilities open only to the initiated to assist them in so doing. It also means that everything that has ever happened to an individual has somehow, consciously or otherwise, been a similar controlled "manifestation" of their own intent, even those involving external entities. All the way up to the weather they've experienced or the drunk driver who killed their family, whatever you've got: the more personal and dramatic the better. Through the indoctrination received, one supposedly inherits the ability to "choose" or "choose out" of first the influence of these events upon them, and then the events themselves as a component of the physical universe.
Beyond the simple laws of physics and conservation of energy revealing such a thing to be impossible (or so comically improbable as to not be worthy of consideration), this philosophy taken to its final conclusion would pit every individual in the world against every other individual, as well as all forces of nature both terrestrial and cosmic. Were this philosophy and its influences to be real, what would be the final arbiter of conflicting manifestations, and how could suffering exist in any form but to be the responsibility of the sufferer? It belies the compassionate humanitarianism (which is nothing at all like the humanized version of vegetarianism) that I believe is the responsibility of every member of organized society and encourages a self-centered orientation of the universe.
Impact Training, as is the standard for LGAT, uses hard sales tactics to persuade, beg, and bully participants into enrollment for successive and increasingly expensive courses. No excuse is accepted, as the tools already imparted to them will supposedly enable them to overcome any obstacles to procuring necessary funds. Any questionable fiscal wisdom or responsibility of the participant to continue is irrelevant - if they have truly accepted the doctrines as presented and are capable of genuinely committing themselves they "deserve" the continuation and can't afford to not continue. Shared pressures from the rest of the group are asserted, and those opting not to continue are either praised for their pledge to continue as resources and timing coalesce to their favor or belittled for not choosing to adhere to the path of enlightenment (though in their defense I've heard that recently the personal attacks for non-continuation have been toned down somewhat).
The Trainer at this point is usually a volunteer of the program, someone demonstrating their dedication to its efficacy by the number of recruits and continuing participants they can manifest. Any inability to effectively do so means the Trainer is simply failing in the execution of the reality-altering concepts, and needs additional training and reinforcement themselves, and any success belongs to the methods and system. This kind of self-fulfilling assertion begins in early levels of the program as participants are strongly urged to recruit family or friends to first attend closing ceremonies and then go on to enroll, with credit and advancement awarded to those successful recruiters (and in some cases "advancement" being conditional on exactly those circumstances).
The hard sales and Multi-Level Marketing style of recruitment as requirements for continuation in the pseudo-cultic program are in my opinion a horribly destructive combination: either one manages a continual stream of inductees and is heralded as a success to the program, or failures become their personal responsibility and grounds for mental and verbal abuse. Accounts of burned-out Trainers putting on the best face for the crowd as their lives fall apart (both within and without the organization) are repeatedly available online, and the responses and rebuttals from Impact Training adherents frequently resonate with double-speak and "blame the victim" tactics that quite honestly creep me out.
At advancing levels of training the overt LGAT tools are no longer necessary due to the depth of the indoctrination and reliance on the group it has created. It is here that the warped LDS theologies are introduced and used to play on LDS members' (of which there are of course a great many in Utah) beliefs as a means of turning spiritual and religious devotion into yet another mechanism of attachment to the organization. I will not repeat any of those specific assertions in public, because I do not feel they warrant repetition of any kind - I'm willing to discuss it privately with anyone (no secrecy here), I just don't ever want to be associated with the words in a public and searchable place. It is also in these levels that the highest amount of volunteer commitment to enrolling others in the program is required until one breaks into the inner circle or burns out and departs.
I have seen a few people go through the program, and I've been genuinely scared by the amount of unrighteous influence I saw exerted upon them and to which they seemingly wholeheartedly subscribed. On the LDS side of things this very much smacks of priestcraft (doctrine for sale), the "philosophies of men, mingled with scripture," and the flattery and telling of pleasing things in order to lure people away from the truth (or their beliefs, such as the case may be). Abandonment of principles and morals associated with those beliefs followed, including a complete falling away from the organization of the Church itself (which has also issued an open letter to its membership specifically targeting these kinds of organizations, but does so in the light of day).
I count myself among the rational participants of the world, and have specifically chosen my religious affiliations (and am willing to discuss this with others, including how I can use the word "rational" and "religious affiliations" in the same sentence). I claim the privilege of worshiping according to the dictates of my own conscience, and afford others the same freedom. What saddens me here is not so much that others do not share my own beliefs as it is to see a core cultural and personal/spiritual conviction undermined by con artists and hucksters for the purpose of turning a buck without regard to the potentially destructive consequences. If they believe their own schtick, I pity them. On the other hand, if they perpetrate these acts knowingly, then Gentlemen: I drop my left glove at your feet and await your response to the challenge.
Any of those of you affected by the teachings of this or other such organizations, I continue to regard you as I always have - I may be saddened by the current state of affairs and the distance it has created between us, but only because I continue to love and cherish you. Loving from across a chasm I cannot bridge yields sadness is all.
For more information I highly recommend searching around for "Impact Trainings" and "LGAT". Take the materials on both sides with a grain (or fistful) of salt and draw your own conclusions. For those open to considering direct challenges to LGAT practitioners (as opposed to those who would rather hear no such thing) I have a thoroughly bookmarked and dog-eared copy of Cults In Our Midst by Dr. Margaret Thaler Singer I'm willing to loan out (though I would like it back after it makes the rounds).
The Long Journey
I've written a lot about my health over the past few years, and my efforts to try and do something about it. Each little clue gave me new hope, into which I threw my full energy. I took every inch and reveled in it, moving as far as I could before inevitably declining once again (increased effort met with increased resistance). These were genuine steps forward though, rather than false starts: I lost weight, gained focus, and started sleeping better, so each time I was really complaining from a new place.
The biggest gains came from discovering sleep apnea, candidiasis, and suspicions of mitochondrial myopathy. None of these are naturally indicative of McArdle's Disease (the eventual diagnosis) though, nor are they typically concomitant. They didn't fall into their place in the puzzle until the picture was already becoming clear, when it all suddenly came together.
I should start by explaining a little about the condition. Glucose is the primary source of energy for nearly everything in the human body, the whole process referred to as "glycolysis." Most cells, especially muscle cells, have an internal reserve of it in a compact polymer-like form called glycogen. When demand for energy increases, molecules are trimmed off the end of the chain and made available to the mitochondria to do their business of converting it into active energy (adenosine triphosphate, for those taking notes).
This store of energy is pretty high - enough for 12-20 hours worth of activity before needing to be replenished. That replenishment happens on a regular, ongoing basis, to keep stores topped off whenever spare glucose is available, and any surplus is either excreted or converted into starches and stashed elsewhere. Normally this is enough to keep the body readily burning glucose between meals without running low - an exception would be fasting (more than a day), starvation, or extremely high demand: marathon runners, for example, can completely deplete glycogen stores after about 20 miles of continuous running, a phenomenon they refer to as "hitting the wall." At that point continued activity requires use of the stored fats as an alternative fuel, and risks damage to those tissues unable to do so.
McArdle's refers to a defect in or absence of myophosphorylase, which is a fancy name for "the enzyme that breaks glucose off the glycogen chain." This deficiency means that the primary source of stored energy is either completely off limits or so impaired as to be unable to meet the body's demand. This results in dramatic exercise intolerance, and in some cases cramping or seizing of muscle fibers (which require energy both to contract and relax) in a disparate and uncoordinated state so severe that they can actually rupture (rhabdomyolysis - this will be on the test), spilling their proteins into the blood and straining renal functions. Alternatively, the secondary fuel source based on fatty acids can be engaged (lipolysis).
An interesting side note here is that this is the primary intent of low-carb diets: by lowering the intake of glucose (and things easily synthesized into it by the metabolism), glycogen stores are exhausted and the body has no choice but to turn to lipids in order to remain functional. It's a hack, but a potentially effective one - your mileage may vary though, and not every system can handle the kind of stress this creates.
To point, too heavy a reliance on lipolysis floods the body with its waste products and increases the acidity of the blood (ketoacidosis). Healthy folks don't normally get to this point - diabetics can be affected in pretty nasty ways though. Those with McArdle's suffer a similar fate since the reliance on it is more absolute, and constant: this happens on regular diets without regard for carbohydrate intake. I had hit on a form of metabolic acidosis in my investigation earlier but had come to it from the wrong side, thinking that it was an inhibition of the mitochondria in making use of available oxygen, when in fact the mitochondria work wonderfully and are simply making-do with limited materials on hand. The effect is the same though: fatigue, memory disruption, stupor, and eventual unconsciousness.
Stay classy, Seattle
Ah, winter. Which, generally speaking, I love - but, if it comes with any kind of persistent precipitation, cripples the Northwest. Not just because they're wimps when it comes to snow, it's at least partially justified by tendency it has to turn into ice and the number and variety of hills which make up Seattle proper. Outlying suburbs, not so much - for them it's mostly the wimpy part.
The studio I live in now is probably hermetically sealed, as evidenced by the condensation that forms on the windows. A couple days into the various storms it managed to drip down to the bottom and freeze, pictured here.
Tigger, our inherited orange tabby, has an odd habit of licking things which suit him: gloves, coats, pant-cuffs, hands. It's anybody's guess what it's going to be, we have yet to identify any common element amongst his targets - there are other things which cats would typically love, like the wrapper from a stick of butter, which if given the opportunity to inspect he'll attempt to bury the same way he would his leavings in the litter box. However, he does leave a pretty pattern on the window:
Given my easy proximity to work, and my distrust for the driving ability of others in these conditions (as well as a healthy respect for the elements and an acknowledgment of my own limitations), I haven't been driving since it snowed. That means my car's been parked out on the lonely street accumulating snow this whole time, along with a few others in the neighborhood.
We've had about 8" so far - the first night was the strangest though, it started snowing in pellets before changing to conventional flakes. Not hail, honest pellets of snow that you could hear hitting the foliage - around 5am it was accompanied by a couple bolts of lightning less than 1/4 mile north of me, too. First time I've ever experienced lightning first-hand during a snow storm.
Last night added its own strange condition to things, blowing in tiny flakes for much of the night and eventually causing everything to ice over. I'm not sure if it was a change in temperature, or a fog which settled in on everything, or what, but the top 1/8th of an inch of snow has frozen into a texture like frosted glass. Every footstep crunch-crashes through the crust into the fine powder below. It made digging out the car an experience too, since it was not spared this treatment - in fact, any area not covered in snow is also covered with this same sheet of ice.
Which brings me to the title of this post: Stay classy, Seattle.
When I was 17 I got into a minor car accident in the Northwest. There were almost 2 lanes westbound on this street, but not quite (or at least not officially). There also isn't a turn lane, and shortly after an intersection the car directly in front of me stopped in order to turn left. I hesitated a moment, decided there was probably enough space to the right that I could go around him, and put on my blinker after checking my rear-view mirror to make sure traffic behind me was indeed stopped and was making no indication to go around me. Between the time I put on my blinker and started to move, the driver behind me decided that was a good idea too and pulled around on the right, and managed to clip the front third of my passenger side.
After pulling off to the side of the road to inspect things we wanted to make sure everything was in order and call the authorities in case a report needed to be filed. This was before the time when cell phones were common place, so neither of us had one - it was therefore decided that, since the other driver lived nearby, he'd run home real quick and give them a call from there. Which he did, and promptly returned, and everything was squared away - no report was needed because the damage to either vehicle didn't exceed the threshold, and no ticket was issued although I was apparently at fault for failure to yield right-of-way (another one filed under lessons learned).
It didn't dawn on me until days later that the driver of the other car didn't have to return. It was some time after that I realized that I too could have just taken off (we hadn't completed our information exchange yet) while he was gone and just left him in the lurch. My realization wasn't a "would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling etc." epiphany, it was more akin to a rumination about what a remarkable area to live in. That's just what the culture was.
Was. Past tense.
No note, no indication of ownership. I've heard spinning tires up and down the road and knew it was bad shape out there. I've always turned down the music and paid close attention, listening for the fateful crunch that would indicate assistance was necessary and/or somebody owed someone else money. Never heard it though - which means this probably happened some time Friday while I was still at work, and I missed it when I arrived home that evening. There are no recent tire tracks (and they're easy to spot in 8" of snow) that correspond to the accident, which is my only other clue as to the timing (it snowed fresh Friday night and most of yesterday afternoon and night). I'm fairly certain they were headed West (toward the rear of the car), as evidenced by the fact that the remains of the hub-cap were all slightly to the west of the rear tire.
Though I suppose it's just as possible they were sliding to the East, knocked the hub cap off, and a spinning tire ejected it to the West on their way. Either way I don't think someone could have done this unknowingly, which makes the lack of ownership disappointing.
Fortunately the door opens, moves its full extent, and closes just fine. There's no disposition in the tire which would indicate axle damage, and the sidewall is completely intact. It hurts the resale value of the car, and will probably contribute to the deterioration of the body, but the immediate serviceability appears intact. I'll find out when I move it later today to go to church, and eventually stash it in the garage of a friend for an extended stay while I visit Utah next week.
And if I hit anyone while I'm driving, which is unlikely, I'll be sure to leave a note.
UPDATED 2008-12-21 20:28
I was informed by a fellow motorist in passing (whilst stopped at an intersection) that it appears one of my rear wheels is about to fall off, based on how it's wobbling. A little more than superficial then I'm afraid - I have either a bent rim or a bent axle. I'm hoping it's the rim, since it's an order of magnitude less expensive - we'll find out when I finally have a chance to take it in for repairs after the holidays.
Sibling Cryptography
Brothers and sisters are good for a number of things whilst growing up (I had 4 of them). One role they fill particularly well is that of "someone to keep secrets from."
I'd say up until about age 14 or 15, the average American youth doesn't have any secrets worth keeping. The whole point of the magical "dear diary" is to pour out the superficial embarrassments and heartaches of adolescence, oblivious to the utterly transcendental nature of the competing pressures and fear of failure, and the difficulty of attempting to reconcile the need to affirm an identity distinct from others yet compatible with the limited society of one's exposure. The incompatible drives summed up well as "You can't understand how I feel!" and "Isn't there anyone who understands me?" Hormones don't help a whole lot.
Before tipping over into the juvenile portion of adolescence, however, the "tweens" and younger, life is a much simpler power struggle within the sibling pecking order. I can easily recall the formidable vehemence with which secrets were guarded, and the deviousness with which they were created solely for that purpose. I cannot bring to mind, however, the contents of those secrets. I'm sure they were naively inflammatory, along the lines of "so-and-so is mean" or "smells", or otherwise possesses objectionable qualities or exhibits diminutive aptitudes. These pithy epithets would then be lovingly translated into an immature cypher and safeguarded after some grand parade or announcement of their existence was put on.
The only reason the pseudo-clandestine article held any draw for the target subjects is well illustrated by a quote from The Simpson's:
Lisa: Dad, this isn't about glue. It's about territoriality. He only wants the glue because I'm using it.Bart: Oh yeah? Prove it.Lisa: [hands him the glue] Here.Bart: Hey man, I don't want your stupid glue.Bart tosses the glue away-- Bart vs. Thanksgiving (7F07)
Assertion of control over the artificial restriction reaffirms one's importance and viability in the competition for... whatever it is we were competing for.
The method of obscuring the text was invariably a form of substitution of letters for other letters, numbers, or symbols in a one-to-one relationship. Elaborate maps of the enigmatic keys would be refined and hidden, and the correspondingly enciphered material could then be allowed to fall into enemy hands in the knowledge that the sibling(s) would encounter prolonged frustration in attempting to comprehend the contents, and if eventually successfully would only be annoyed at the revelation.
The most amusing one I ever encountered was concocted by my sisters: the holy grail, the impenetrable Double Cypher. This involved substituting the letter for a number - and then that number for another number. The mathematical relationship of A = B = C being identical to A = C not only escaped attention, it resisted enlightenment when confronted.
With enough practice at the game and adequate source material, any simple substitution puzzle can be solved (forming the basis for the Sherlock Holmes' novella The Adventure of the Dancing Men) on its own. Once my brother and I entered determinedly into this altitude of the arms race it was time to move on to new forms of subterfuge.
Later, my older sister sought to confound the process further by introducing phonetic constructs. But by then it was outside of this petty rivalry and instead used to foster the darker side of Borderline Personality Disorder, allowing a descent into paranoid dysphoria in the loudest silent way possible - writing on walls of her room and all over notebooks in an intentional display of manipulative privacy: you weren't supposed to know what she was thinking, but you were supposed to know that she was thinking and it was bothering her (thus allowing for a projection of her emotional caretaking needs onto others without their explicit consent or even involvement, and without the insight required to fulfill the heinous responsibility). Heaven help he who dared trod on the meanings of said script, too.
I eventually inherited the room for an office (having moved into my Father's house by then) after she moved out and on with her life, and I took the time to decipher the scrawl before returning the walls to neutral colors. The thoughts were angry and hurtful, frequently dictating the dire consequences to issues outside of her control were they to resolve in a light unfavorable to herself (things that would "happen" or that she would do if she were not allowed to X, for example). Things that no one should have to suffer alone, real or imagined.
Not that there's much point to my anecdotal ramblings - childhood was carefree even in most of its assaults, people should care about and help one another, and it's pretty pointless to hide those things which give us cause and identity (as by doing so the possibility of caring connection is mitigated).
Today I suppose I've carried that into a general philosophy: aside from necessarily hiding the financially sensitive and authoritatively identifying bits and numbers assigned to me as a modern citizen, there's nothing in my life I choose to hide away from the world. Though some of this is probably the cynicism that the world wouldn't care to do anything about those things I so freely share anyway, being unimportant and uninteresting on any grand scale. Randomly useful perhaps, but not actually interesting.